Proverbs 19:18

Introduction.

What is popular and legal is not necessarily what is right. Society has legalized abortion. That does not make it right. Multitudes of people approve of homosexuality. It is still wrong.

Society is ever inventing new standards. That is particularly true when it comes to the rearing of children. What about spanking? Should a child be forced to do things? Should his way prevail in all things? Is discipline bad? Are you damaging a child by requiring him to work and learn good practices and habits? What if all he wants is junk food? What if he doesn't want to go to bed? To school? To church? What if he wants to run with promiscuous friends? Drug users? A gang? What if he wants to date the wrong person? Stay out later than you want? Go to clubs?

There is a big element of society that says parents should not discipline their children. They are very much against any form of corporal punishment. You are likely to have your child taken from your custody as a parent, if you spank him in a public place. In this matter of parenting, just how much correction should you give?

I am aware that this message is not the last word on the subject. I am also aware that what I am about to offer is the Bible stance and fundamentally good advice.

I. FIRST OF ALL, BE AWARE THAT YOUR CHILD WILL NEED CORRECTION.

A. Every one of us does.

1. Proverbs 22:15 says, "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child."

2. Isaiah 53:6 says, "All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way."

3. Ecclesiastes 7:20 says, "For there is not a just man upon earth, that doeth good, and sinneth not."

4. As lovely as your child is, he is a sinner by nature. He will do wrong. He will need correction. There are no exceptions.

B. Failure to give you child the correction and guidance he needs results in long-term damage.

1. Proverbs 22:15 not only says, "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child," it continues and says, "but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him."

2. Proverbs 29:15 flatly says, "The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame." Listen also to Proverbs 13:24, "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes." Proverbs 23:13-14 continues, "Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell."

3. According to these texts, to withhold correction from your child is to fortify him in his wrong direction. Evil trends which are not addressed grow into terrible habits and character flaws in adults. Many a life of sin, crime and untold misery has been rooted in a childhood void of discipline and correction. Withheld correction has produced many a divorce, wasted lives and early graves.

Every child, including your's, needs correction.

II. KEEP YOURSELF IN A POSITION TO GIVE IT.

A. Stay in a position of authority over your child.

1. Somebody will always be in charge where two are more are. God has put parents in charge of the home. Commandment number 5 is "Honour thy father and thy mother" (Exodus 20:12). Both Ephesians 6:1 and Colossians 3:20 say, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right."

2. You are the mentor, not your child. You can listen to and learn from your child (and you should), but you are the one who is to provide the leadership and right direction that is needed.

B. Build a great relationship with him, but don't become his buddy.

1. Many parents lose their ability to exercise proper control of their children by becoming too much of a buddy. The child loses respect for the parent and sees him more as an equal than an authority figure.

2. Bear in mind that being in a position to give discipline and correction means more than having the muscle to give a spanking. For real correction to occur, there must be a measure of respect. If you abuse and misuse your child, you may be able to exercise control for a while, but little by little you will lose your control. Rather than be corrected, your child will move further and further from your correction. That is one of the reasons Ephesians 6:4 warns, "And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."

III. ADDRESS THE SPECIFIC ISSUES OF NEED IN YOU CHILD'S LIFE.

A. Most correction should not involve punishment.

1. It is best that you address needed correction before the rod is introduced.

2. Quite often a serious talk can produce correction. Solomon said in Proverbs 2:10-12, "When wisdom entereth into thine heart, and knowledge is pleasant unto thy soul; Discretion shall preserve thee, understanding shall keep thee: To deliver thee from the way of the evil man, from the man that speaketh froward things." Talk can sometimes do far more correcting than the rod.

In fact, the rod without understanding is not likely to produce long-term correction. It is more likely to produce resentments.

B. Face and deal with issues and realities.

1. Parents have the propensity to be quite subjective when it comes to their children. They can be blind to reality. This is what the Bible calls "partiality" or "respect of persons" and it is strictly forbidden in the scriptures. James 2:1 says, "My brethren, have not the faith of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory, with respect of persons."

2. Don't ignore the facts. Parents, don't be blind to the flaws of your own children. Be honest.

Don't fall into the ditch of applying one standard to other children and a different one to your's.

3. Identify the areas of need in your child and deal with them head-on.

C. Don't use a shotgun in discipline, use a rifle.

1. A common and highly injurious practice of some parents is the neglect of routine correction punctuated by periodic explosions. (The Ralph Hoffpauir example)

2. Hebrews 12:9-10 speaks of the fact that earthly parents are not always equitable in their correction. Anger, biases, subjective motives and other such factors can keep us from zeroing in on the real point of need. "Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live? For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness."

3. Parent, when you correct your child, make sure he knows exactly what the need is and what you expect.

IV. SPANK WHEN NECESSARY.

A. You cannot stay with the Bible and rule out spanking or corporal punishment.

1. Proverbs 29:15, "The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame."

2. Proverbs 19:18, "Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying."

3. Proverbs 13:24, "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes."

4. Proverbs 22:15, "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him."

5. Proverbs 23:13-14, "Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell."

B. Spanking should come only after words have failed.

1. It is Proverbs 10:13 that explains, "a rod is for the back of him that is void of understanding."

2. Hebrews 12:5-6 sets forth the order of progression for discipline. "My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth." Note well:

a. First, rebuke (words, verbal efforts at correction).

b. Second, chasten (more stringent efforts at correction. Perhaps withdrawal of privileges).

c. Third, scourge (spanking).

C. Spanking should never be abusive.

1. It should never be administered in anger.

2. It should always be commensurate to the offense.

3. It should always be accompanied by a show of love and humility.

V. BE FIRM AND CONSISTENT IN DEALING WITH YOUR CHILD.

A. You can be kind and humble, yet firm at the same time.

1. You don't have to be mean and ugly to make your point.

2. Don't give you child the idea that you are not sure about what is wrong and how to correct it. If you are not sure, he probably won't be either. It seems to me that Colossians 2:6-8 is very applicable to this case. "As ye have therefore received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk ye in him: Rooted and built up in him, and stablished in the faith, as ye have been taught, abounding therein with thanksgiving. Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ."

B. Consistency is really just an extension of firmness.

1. Firmness relates to your on the spot approach to correction. Consistency relates more to your practice over time.

2. Our great example in all things is Jesus Christ of whom Hebrews 13:8 says, "Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever."

We know what to expect from our Lord. He does not have one set of standards for us today and a different set tomorrow. He is "faithful."

3. Parent, don't confuse your child by inconsistency. Don't let him get by with something ten or one time, then rain on him the next.

If it needs correction, correct it every time. If it doesn't need correction, don't ever correct it.

VI. BE POSITIVE IN CORRECTING YOUR CHILD.

A. Don't let you emphasis always be on what is wrong.

1. Make sure you keep his primary attention on what is right.

2. Philippians 4:8 establishes the standard by saying, "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."

B. Remember, the idea is correction, not merely punishment.

1. You are trying to build up (raise) your child, not tare him down.

2. He needs to see where he should go, not just the wrong he has done.

VII. BE TOLERANT AND FOREBEARING IN CORRECTING YOUR CHILD.

A. Remember, nobody is perfect, not even you.

1. Every child, even your's, will have lots of flaws.

2. You will never get rid of all of them.

3. In your zeal to make your child all he can be, don't get to the point of constant nagging and picking. You can break your child's spirit. You have to cut him a little slack and let him be human.

B. It takes time to correct problems in one's life.

1. Correction is an on-going process, not a one-time event.

2. Give your child time.

3. Listen to the first three verses of Ephesians 4. "therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you that ye walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called, With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love; Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace."

4. Colossians 3:12-13 says it so very beautifully, and surely applies particularly to us in dealing with our own precious children. "Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering: Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye."

Conclusion.

Dear parent, you have no more precious treasure than your children. Don't cheat them out of a Christian heritage. As Ephesians 6:4, says "Bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." That means doing it God's way.

1. There are things you should give your child.

2. There are things you should discuss with your child.

3. There are things you should know about your child.

4. There are things you should correct in your child.