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Christian Family Principles
Written by Dr. Lester Hutson

Copyright - Lester Hutson - 1981
This material is copyrighted and may not be copied or reproduced without the express written permission of Dr. Lester Hutson.

Fortification Against Offences

Chapter Seventeen

INTRODUCTION: Text * Psalm 119:165

I have previously covered what to do once offenses have occurred. I would now like to turn your attention to prevent and minimize offenses, particularly in the family.

Let me remind you that life is a continuous series of events. Offenses, troubles and hurts in the family and with others are occurring almost every day for most people. You cannot wait until your life or home is free of offenses to start the procedures that minimize and fortify against them. Just as a doctor starts treating a patient when he is sick, fortifying efforts most often must be initiated where lives and homes are already troubled, although, these measures certainly need to be continued once an improvement occurs, so there will not be a reoccurrence of the troubles. A person suffering from malnutrition would need an immediate change of diet, but, even after recovering from malnutrition, a good and improved diet should be continued, lest the patient return to malnutrition. In other words, a right diet acts as fortification against malnutrition. So, if your life or home is now troubled and hurt by offenses, don’t wait until you get over them to start measures to prevent future offenses. Initiate right remedies now, and the troubles will gradually begin to subside. You can solve the offenses that have already occurred, and see that there will not be as many new ones arising in the future. The raging waves of troubles in your life that are about to shipwreck you will begin to subside, and light will begin to appear at the end of the tunnel. But it doesn’t happen instantaneously. Fortifications help some, even at first, but their real worth is in the long run, as they ward off enemies and troubles that would otherwise ruin and destroy you.

The principles I am advocating to you today would help you now, but would help you even more with each passing day. Their full effect in your life and home would probably not be realized for several months. If your life is being eaten up with troubles, you are constantly in a quarrel, and you seem to go from one offence right into another, you need a general overhaul in your life. What I am telling you today from God’s Word can turn it all around, and, slowly but surely, get you out of trouble and put you at peace with yourself and most of those around you, especially with your wife and family. It will bring you to a place in life where you will not be offended by the things people do or don’t do. King David spoke of this place in life when he said in Psalm 119:165, "Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them."

I. THE KEY IN COMING TO THIS PLACE IN LIFE WHERE YOU ARE NOT OFFENDED BY THOSE AROUND YOU IS IN TURNING YOUR RIGHTS OVER TO GOD.

A. I am sure that everybody reading these words would like to live without offenses and troubles between people.

1. You don’t like getting hurt. In fact, it makes you get on the defensive and start pointing a finger of blame. It makes you grow silent and start holding in anger and resentment.

2. You’d love to live in peace and harmony with your boss and fellow employees. You’d love to get along with your friends and neighbors, and you wish they wouldn’t do these things that hurt and offend you.

3. You especially wish your family would live in harmony and peace.

a. All of your life you’ve had a dream about a wonderful, happy marriage, where you would say, "I do," and live happily every after.

b. You don’t like to fight and argue with your wife or husband. You don’t like to get mad and cuss and hit. And, you wish you would never be abused and neglected.

c. God only knows how much you want a good, happy home and marriage.

B. Well, folks, I am telling you that if your marriage is bad, and your home is unhappy, it is because you made it that way. If it ever gets any better, it will be because you quit pitying yourself and got up and did something about it.

C. The thing to do about it, so that people and things quit offending you, is to turn your rights over to God.

1. The thing that is ruining you, and you can’t see it, is that you think you have a right to expect certain things.

a. You think you have a right to voice your opinion in the church, on the job, in the home, etc.

b. You men think you have a right to a hot meal, a clean house, clean clothes and a wife that is loyal to you.

c. You ladies think you have a right to kind treatment from your husband, a right to plenty of material goods, a right to spiritual leadership from him and lots of other things. d. You boys and girls think you have a right to date whomever you please, listen to whatever music you please, dress as you please, grow your hair as you please and choose your friends.

e. You all think you have a right to privacy, a right to earn and spend money, a right to control your personal belongings and a right to plan and use your time as you see fit.

f. You think you have a right to attend the church of your choice, a right to live where you want to live, a right to choose your own job and a right to live your life the way you please.

2. The source of your offenses and hurts is that somebody is always violating your rights.

a. Your wife wanted to go out right after you got home from work, when you were tired. She violated your right to rest.

b. Your husband didn’t get you an anniversary gift or kiss you goodbye, or notice your good meal and clean house. He violated your right to be noticed and appreciated.

c. Your mate didn’t treat your parents kindly. He violated your right to respect for your folks. Your husband hit you; he violated your right to be treated like a lady. Your husband looked at another woman; he violated your right to absolute fidelity.

d. Your parents wouldn’t let you date a certain person. They violated your right to choose your future marriage partner. They made you cut your long hair and quit dressing too scantily; they violated your individual freedoms.

e. If you will think about it, you will realize that nearly every offence you have had and all of your hurts have come because somebody violated some of your rights.

3. Now, if you would get rid of your rights, you wouldn’t have anything to be violated, and the result would be that you would not be offended because of violated rights.

a. The more rights you claim to have, the more area you have to be violated, and thus the greater your chances of being offended. For example, in a small town like Humble, with a few streets, several traffic violations will occur each day. But in a larger city, like Houston, there will be many, many more traffic offenses, because there is so much more area where the offenses may occur.

b. So, it is easy to see that as you cut down on your rights, you cut down on your likelihood of being offended.

4. Now, the way to get rid of your rights is to turn them over to the Lord.

a. This is exactly what the scriptures teach us to do in Colossians 3:5, "Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth."

b. Paul wrote in Romans 8:13, "For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: (Your hold on to your old fleshly rights, and offenses will continue to come and plague and destroy you.) but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live." (Simply get rid of your fleshly rights by turning them over to God.)

c. Romans 6:13 says, "... Yield yourselves unto God..." and Romans 12:1 says, "I beseech you therefore brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service."

d. Peter said that we should no longer "live the rest of his (our) time in the flesh to the lusts of men, but to the will of God" in I Peter 4:2.

e. Every facet of our lives should be brought into captivity to the will of God according to II Corinthians 10:5, so that it can truly be said of us that we are "dead," and our lives are "hid with Christ in God," Colossians 3:3.

f. I tell you that every one of you should right now say in truth to God, "Here is my life, God; here are my rights. Here is my right to privacy. Here is my right to who I can date, my right to choose my friends, my right to how to dress, how long to wear my hair, my right to what music to hear, my right to my personal opinion being heard, my right to kind treatment from my husband, my right to help from my wife, and my right to my time and money."

g. Folks, get rid of your rights. They are killing you. Because of them, offenses are wrecking and ruining your life and home. So get rid of the source of your troubles. Do what God in scripture says do and turn your life over to God. It is for your own good and God’s glory.

5. Whoever owns a thing, owns the rights and responsibilities over it.

a. If you turn your body over to God, then it is His right to command it and determine how it should dress, how long its hair should be, what music it should hear and where it should spend its time.

b. When you turn your wife or husband over to God, then God has the rights over him/her. When you give God your money, your time, your future, and other areas of your life, then God can do with these what He pleases. You no longer have a right to dominate and control them.

c. The Bible says, "Our God is in the heavens: he hath done whatsoever he hath pleased," Psalm 115:3. Surely, when we surrender our rights to Him, they are His to do with as He pleases.

II. ONCE YOU SURRENDER YOUR RIGHTS TO GOD, YOU CAN BEGIN LOOKING TO HIM TO SUPPLY YOUR NEEDS AND TAKE CARE OF YOU.

A. If you’ve given your rights to God you’ll have no right to expect things from other people.

1. You will have no right to expect your wife to be a good bed partner, keep a clean house or be careful with expenses.

2. You will have no right to expect your husband to be kind, considerate and strong in character and spirit.

3. You will have no right to date who you please, use your time your way or spend your money your way.

4. You will have no right to speak your piece or be respected as an individual.

5. You see, these rights are now God’s; you’ve given them up to Him.

B. Now, God’s Word clearly tells you that you shouldn’t expect these things from people.

1. Psalms 118:8-9 says, "It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man. It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in princes."

2. Psalm 146:3 says, "Put not your trust in princes, nor in the son of man, in whom there is no help."

3. David said, "Vain is the help of man," Psalm 108:12, and Isaiah penned these words, "Woe to them that go down to Egypt for help; and stay on horses, and trust in chariots, because they are many; and in horsemen, because they are very strong; but they look not to the Holy One of Israel, neither seek the Lord!" in Isaiah 31:1.

4. People will disappoint you sooner or later every time, and the more you expect from them, the more disappointed you will be.

5. So you can see why offenses are so abundant and are ruining so many lives and homes. People are standing on their rights, and somebody is always coming along to violate their rights. Just as God’s Word predicted, these people are suffering disappointment and woes and hurts one right after another.

C. When you surrender your rights to God, you have no rights, thus, you quit expecting things from people and begin looking to God to care for you.

1. This is exactly why King David could say, "some trust in chariots, and some in horses: but we will remember the name of the Lord our God," in Psalm 20:7.

2. David asked in Psalm 121:1, "from whence cometh my help?" Then he answered in verse 2, "My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth."

3. I can tell you that today many of you are in real trouble with constant offenses, hurts and disappointments that result in bitterness, confusion and unhappiness in your life because you are looking to the wrong source for your help.

a. You think you have a right to expect things of people, like your boss, neighbor, parents, children, husband, wife.

b. If you’d get rid of these rights from people, and start looking to God, you’d eliminate a big percentage of your problem.

c. Paul said, "Set your affection on things above, not on things of this earth," in Colossians 3:2. When you are focusing on God for help, and expecting nothing from people, you will not be hurt and offended by what people do. It is when your affection is on the earth and its people, and not on God, that you will be offended.

4. My, how the practicing of this principle would help you and fortify you against offenses. It would take away the very source of most of your problems and bitterness.

a. You won’t be hurt when your husband is evil, for you had no right to expect him to be good; you gave that right to God, and you are not looking to your husband, but rather, to God to treat you right.

b. You won’t be offended when a friend lies to you, your time is interrupted, you are deprived of money, you can’t go where you want to go or when you wife humiliates you because you had no right to be treated kindly, no right to consideration, no right to honesty from other people. You gave those rights to God, and you only look to Him for honesty, mercy, consider- ation and kindness.

5. Folks, when you are looking to God, realizing that He is sworn to do all things right for you, you will never be offended.

a. The Bible says, " All things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose," in Romans 8:28.

b. David said, "No good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly," in Psalm 84:11.

c. It may appear to you that God is perverting justice and that you are getting a raw deal but such will never be the case. Whatever God brings to bear in your life will always be for the best, for your well-being and His eternal glory.

6. Now it is in view of God working in you for your well-being that Philippians 2:13 says, "For it is God that worketh in you, both to will and to do of his good pleasure." So, in view of yielding his rights to God, and his looking to God to work out and supply the needs of his life, Paul wrote in Galatians 2:20, "I am crucified with Christ (all rights turned over to Him); nevertheless I live; (all my needs are met) yet not I, but Christ liveth in me." (For He, not any man, is the one to whom I look to always do right toward me. In man I would be disappointed and offended, but never in God).

D. Once you start looking to God for your supply, you begin to see the nice, enjoyable things that people do toward you as privileges, not rights.

1. You see it really is a privilege, for which to thank God, to have a good, submitted wife, who cooks, cleans and fulfills her God- given responsibilities.

2. It is a privilege to have a right kind of husband, good children, good parents, new clothes, a date, money to spend or a voice in what is going on.

3. These are a privilege because they were things you received, even though you were not entitled to receiving them. You see, you gave your title or rights to these away to God.

4. This is then why James 1:17 says, "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights..." and since all such privileges come from God, we are told in Colossians 3:15, "Be ye thankful," and in Psalm 100:4, "Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name."

5. Folks, I am telling you that focusing on God and not people will change your whole perspective on life. It will replace offenses in your heart with praise and thanksgiving for what God is doing.

III. WHEN YOU BEGIN TO LOOK TO GOD, YOU WILL BEGIN TO REALIZE AND SEE THAT HE OFTEN USES PEOPLE AROUND YOU, ESPECIALLY FAMILY MEMBERS, AS TOOLS TO BUILD MATURITY AND CHARACTER IN YOU.

A. God often does use people near us, particularly family members, to build in us what we need.

1. God used the brothers of Joseph, with cruelty and harshness, to get Joseph into Egypt and make him a mighty man there to preserve Israel. He said to these brothers in Genesis 45:7-8, "and God sent me before you to preserve you a posterity in the earth, and to save your lives by a great deliverance. So now it was not you that sent me hither, but God."

2. When Shimei cursed David like he was a dog, David had enough wisdom to say, "Let him alone, and let him curse; for the Lord hath bidden him," in II Samuel 16:11.

3. God may be using your wife or husband, your children or parents, or someone else near you to bring irritations and hardships into your life that will have the long-range good effect of developing character and maturity in you.

a. He may give you sickness, death, or other sorrow in order to teach you continuous joy even in the midst of pain and suffering.

b. He may give you a series of irritations so that you can become tender and sympathetic.

c. He may have given you a hard husband or wife in order to break your proud, stubborn will.

d. He may give you a wreck or make your boss fire you in order to break your materialistic spirit and love of money.

B. The thing we must learn to do when irritations and things that would be offenses come, is look unto the Lord to see what He is using this person or occurrence to teach us.

1. In other words, don’t focus on the offender, but rather focus on the Lord, for the offender is only the tool in the Lord’s hand. For example, If you say something that hurts me, I should not be offended at you, and should not cut you back with some hurtful remark. Instead, I should look immediately to God to see what He, through you, is teaching me. There is no need to be offended at you, but there is reason rather to praise the Lord for He is doing something good in me. The thing to determine is what it is.

2. You can really thank God for the offender, for his irritation has called your attention to something you need to learn.

a. Most of us have so many blind spots in our lives, areas that we cannot see, but which are in dire need of improvement. We have a pessimistic, critical attitude. We are developing a lax, negligent spirit. We are growing cold and worldly and materialistic.

b. God sees these trends in us. As Job admitted, "He knoweth the way that I take," in Job 23:10.

c. God not only sees these blind spots in our lives, He is dedicated to His purpose of bringing the forces to bear in our lives, however hard and distasteful they may be, that are designed to erase these wrong spirits and attitudes from us.

d. If you can honestly pray to God, "Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven," as Matthew 6:10 instructs, then deep in your heart, you too want these bad, rough, wrong spirits, attitudes and tendencies removed from you.

e. Thus, when God starts rasping away at you with a wife or husband, a parent or friend, you should say, "Praise God, He is taking something bad out of me. He is teaching me a needed lesson."

f. Paul said, "Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, That the power of Christ may rest upon me," in II Corinthians 12:9.

3. My friend, don’t despair and grow bitter and hurt when someone in your family misuses you. God may be using them as a tool on you for your own well-being. As Job continued in Job 23:10, "When he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold." Truly God can make something beautiful out of you, and He may use harsh treatment from those around you to do it. He may put you to His potter’s wheel, and grind you and mold you and apply the pressure to your unruly spots. Then He may put you in the potter’s oven and apply the heat to you. But it will all make you an earthen vessel, "meet for the Master’s use," according to II Timothy 2:21.

4. So, when God uses people near you to mold and make you beautiful, don’t be offended. Get rid of your rights; let God have them. Then start looking to Him, and you’ll begin to see that He is using these people for your well-being to teach you love, tenderness, compassion, patience, meekness, understanding, sharing, generosity, forgiveness and dependence upon God. And, these are the qualities of life that make you truly beautiful and mighty in spirit. Then when you begin to see what God is using these abrasive people to build in you, you will begin to thank God for what He is doing, instead of being offended at the very people He is using. You can begin to realize the truth of what Jesus meant when He said, "Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness’ sake: for their’s is the Kingdom of heaven. Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake," in Matthew 5:10-11. You are indeed "blessed" that God would do such a good thing for you.

5. When people irritate and buffet you, consider yourself blessed, not offended. It will make your life so much easier to bear, so much more peaceful and contented, so much freer of problems and trouble with people like your wife, your husband, your parents, your friends, your employer and others. The initiation and practicing of these principles can save you from many a trouble and disaster in life, as well as save your home and make it happy.

"It Does Make a Difference What You Believe"