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Christian Family Principles
Written by Dr. Lester Hutson

Copyright - Lester Hutson - 1981
This material is copyrighted and may not be copied or reproduced without the express written permission of Dr. Lester Hutson.

Cut the Apron Strings

Chapter Fifteen

INTRODUCTION: Text * Genesis 2:21-24

Genesis means beginnings, and it is a book of beginnings. The beginning of the earth and universe is recorded there. This book tells of the beginning of water, plants, animals and the human race. It records the beginning of sin, the nation of Israel, government and the family. This book that tells about the initiation of the family also gives great insight about what is right for the family.

Among many things that are here established to be vital to the well-being of the family is the fact that each family is to be a separate or independent unit. God’s idea on what is right for the family has never changed since the beginning, for God knows the "end from the beginning," according to Isaiah 46:10, and He set it up right at the start. He doesn’t have to come along later and change policies and set up new principles because something comes up that He didn’t anticipate. No. God set up the family when He first made man, and the very same principles that were necessary for its effective, happy and smooth operation then are just as necessary today. Whatever He established as right then is right now. No family can ignore those original principles and still expect family success.

The original truth that each family is to be a separate, independent unit is particularly important. The principle is set forth clearly in Genesis 2:24, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." This scripture, which in effect says "cut the apron strings," is repeated three times in the New Testament, in Matthew 19:5, Mark 10:7 and Ephesians 5:31. That is not by accident, and it is no doubt designed to emphasize the importance of this family principle.

I. LET US BE CAREFUL TO UNDERSTAND WHAT WE MEAN BY "A SEPARATE, INDEPENDENT FAMILY UNIT."

A. This certainly does not mean the family is totally out from under authority.

1. Romans 13:1 says, "Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God." Paul told Titus, "Put them in mind to be subject to principalities and powers, to obey magistrates, to be ready to every good word," in Titus 3:1.

2. Every family is to be subject to and under the authority of the government.

3. Families are also to be subject to the Lord’s church and His ministers, who act as overseers in the church (see Acts 20:28). Hebrews 13:17 says, "Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give an account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you."

4. No family should consider itself bigger than the government or bigger than the church. Except in cases where these would cause a family to stand in direct opposition to God, the family should be subject to them.

B. We refer to a separate, independent family unit as one that is not under undue outside influence.

1. Cutting the apron strings has nothing to do with obedience to proper, God-ordained authority. It has to do with authority or control over the family that is not ordained of God.

2. Remember that God made the husband "the head of the wife," in Ephesians 5:23, and the children are to be subject to the parents, in Ephesians 6:1. That then makes the husband, in consideration of and in harmony with the wife and children, ultimately respon- sible for giving leadership and direction to the family.

3. In other words, when a man and woman come together as husband and wife to make a family, the leadership and decision-making is to come from within that home, not from some outside earthly source.

4. It could scarcely be put plainer than Genesis 2:24 puts it. "Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother (that means cut the apron strings) and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh (the decisions of life are then theirs)."

5. Young lady, when you marry, Dad or Mom is no longer your immediate authority, and your life is no longer to be guided by them. Your husband takes the place of authority they once had. He is to be your leader, guide and shelter. Young man, when you marry, Dad or Mom is no longer to make the decisions of authority that govern your life as they did while you were single. Marriage is the time to snip those attachments and to assume the reins of right leadership.

6. In other words, God has ordained marriage as the time to cut the umbilical cord and stand on your own, and if you are not man enough and woman enough to do that, then you should stay single.

II. IN MANY MARRIAGES, THE INDIGENOUS, INDEPENDENT STATE OF THE HOME IS SUPPLANTED.

A. Some outside person or group of persons begins to dictate all, or a good portion, of the policies of the marriage.

1. Sometimes it is a boss; other times it is a friend. This person has such an influence on the husband or wife that the husband or wife begins to act, not upon what he in his own heart deems right before God, but upon the advice or prompting of the outside party.

2. It is noteworthy that the family member voluntarily accepts this domination. He doesn’t realize his own will in the home is being dominated by an outsider, and he is even resentful of such a suggestion, contending that he is doing what he wants to do by his own free choice. It is also true that the outside dominator does not intend to be dominating the marriage and refuses to admit to that guilt. But, that very attitude of refusal to face the true problem and admit guilt to it is a factor that leads to the total collapse of many a marriage. Young husband and young wife, if you are guilty of letting somebody else unduly influence your marriage, you’d better wake up before it is too late. And, mothers-in-law and daddies-in-law and grandparents, you’d better keep your nose out of your children’s marriage. Too much influence by you may very well destroy that marriage.

3. No doubt the most common outside influence in a marriage comes from the in-laws.

a. This is probably why the scripture names the "father" and the "mother" as the ones a man should "leave" upon marriage, in Matthew 19:5.

b. Let me show you how a mother-in-law can dominate a marriage.

(1) Husband and wife have a quarrel or a difference of opinion on some issue in the family. Perhaps the husband does not treat the wife with the love and consideration that Ephesians 5:25 and 28 say he should, and he abuses, neglects or even "roughs her up." She in turn does not submit herself to her husband’s authority as Colossians 3:18 says she should. Right here, both husband and wife have violated God’s principles for marriage, thus trouble is at hand, and that is always how trouble starts. Any time you violate God’s principles of right, you are asking for trouble.
2) Now, instead of the two sitting down together and working these problems out as God’s Word teaches in Matthew 18:15, they both "clam up."
(3) But, as soon as the wife can, she goes to see mother for a shoulder to cry on. She lays the whole ugly disagreement out to mother, and probably shades it some to make herself look lily-white and her husband mean and evil, and the villain and cause of the whole thing.
(4) And mother, who is not nearly as wise as she thinks she is, cannot read between the lines, so she swallows the whole story. She’s known deep down all along that this son-in-law was no good and not worthy of her daughter, and this just proves it.
(5) So, with her superior wisdom and long experience, she advises daughter on what to do and how to get even and bring that boy down to his proper size.
(6) In other cases where no fight has occurred, mother-in-law comes in to daughter’s house and proceeds to tell daughter how to arrange her furniture and all sorts of things about the home. Fathers tell sons what kind of business deals to make, take them off fishing, even insist on the type of occupation the son should follow.
(7) Whatever the case, the other marriage partner, naive though he be, can almost always spot the outside coaching a mile away, and they will resent it almost every time.
(8) They will in turn meet it with resistance, which will in turn lead to more disagreements, more family trouble and deeper and growing resentment, between husband and wife, mother-in-law and son-in-law, daughter-in-law and father-in-law.
(9) What is actually happening by these subtle and deceitful means is that father or mother is dominating the marriage, and the husband and the wife are not "one flesh" as they should be according to Genesis 2:24.

c. Let me tell you another by-product of this failure to cut the apron strings from father and mother. You girls run to mother with your marriage problems, and she’ll get all upset and develop some bad feelings toward your husband. You’ll likely get it off your chest and go home and make up with your husband, but your mother won’t. That will still lay there like a canker in her heart, and every time you pull your little "run home to mama" stunt that son-in-law resentment in Mom will grow bigger. One day you’ll be wondering why your mother doesn’t like your husband. You who created the whole mess will find yourself in the precarious position of trying to get your mother to be warm and kind to the father of your children.

4. Husbands, wives, you’d better cut those apron strings! Make your home your home. Keep your differences and problems at home. Let the leadership come out of your home. Whatever you do, don’t run tell mother. You’ll have to reap what you sow, and if you sow the seeds of resentment and bitterness in your parents toward your husband or wife, you’ll reap the bitter fruits of a divided family without closeness and warmth. Since the tendency along these lines seems to be greater in wives than in husbands, God particularly addresses a special word to you ladies. He says in Psalm 45:10, "Hearken O daughter, and consider, and incline thine ear; forget also thine own people, and thy father’s house." Ruth of Moab demonstrated this kind of spirit when she said to Naomi, "Entreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee; for whither thou goest I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God," in Ruth 1:16.

B. God established that He should be the only outside authority to dominate the home, and He is not an earthly authority.

1. Not what grandparents, friends, mothers-in-law or fathers-in-law say to do, but what God says is right should be the deciding factor in your home. It should be your choice to do what is right in the sight of God.

2. The decision came out of Joshua’s own family, not from his folks or any earthly influence, but of his own free-will desire to serve God. He said, "as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord," in Joshua 24:15.

3. The same was true of Abraham. No outside earthly power dictated his family. In fact he left his family and his homeland in Genesis 11:31. A heavenly power dictated and ruled Abraham’s home, for he chose to do what God wanted him to do. Through him came the spiritual direction of God for the whole family. Thus, God said of him in Genesis 18:19, "For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgment."

4. That should be true of every husband who hears these words.

a. You ought to determine that you are going to do right before God, that nobody on this earth is going to dominate your home, but that the God of heaven will be your ruler.

b. They may never say so, but every other family member will admire you for your efforts to do right before God in the family. Husbands admire wives who do, wives admire hus- bands who do. Children admire parents who do, and even parents admire children who do.

c. On the other hand, the rest of the family will scorn you and resent you for your own selfish domination of the family, or for your weakness, if you let some outside influence unduly affect you.

III. THIS IN NO WAY IS DESIGNED TO INDICATE THAT CHILDREN ARE TO DISHONOR OR CUT PARENTS OUT OF THEIR LIVES EVEN AFTER THEY ARE MARRIED.

A. The fifth of the Ten Commandments is, "Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee," in Exodus 20:12. That is the "first commandment with promise," according to Ephesians 6:2-3.

1. I can find no place where God has ever withdrawn that command- ment.

2. I can find no place where you should honor them less after you marry than you did before you married.

3. Honor is defined as "high rank or position, high regard or respect," and that is what every person should give to his parents for as long as they live.

4. They shouldn’t be ignored or shoved out of your life.

5. A grave mistake made by many husbands is their effort to turn their wives against her mother, and some wives try to take their husbands away from their dad or mom. It will not work, for God never intended it. Fellows, command your home, but teach your wife to love her mother. Let her have time with her mother. Instead of taking her away, teach her how to properly treat her mother.

B. The fact is that after marriage, the authority of in-laws and grandparents is only advisory.

1. Sure, in-laws and grandparents can advise. And wise husbands and wives will seek, consider and often heed that advice, but the weighing of that advice and the final decision as to what to do must rest in your home.

2. You in-laws and grandparents surely had better be careful about how much influence you try to exert over your children.

a. You may be sure they are making a mistake, and you may warn, but you’d better not pressure and interfere in another man’s home, even if he is your son or son-in-law. Proverbs 26:17 warns, "He that passeth by, and meddleth with strife belonging not to him, is like one that taketh a dog by the ears."

b. God specifically warns against this two times. In Matthew 19:6 and Mark 10:9 God warns, "what therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." c. No doubt many marriages have been put asunder by parents, who simply would not turn loose of their children. They would not let the new home be a home of its own. In the name of protection and good, they smothered it to death.

3. So, today as one who has seen firsthand the devastating consequences of failure in this area, I say to you, "Cut the Apron Strings." Do what God, through Adam, said in Genesis 2:24. Leave your father and your mother, and cleave unto your wife, and let the two of you make one good, strong home that is dependent only upon God for outside guidance.

"It Does Make a Difference What You Believe"