Christian Family Principles

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Christian Family Principles
Written by Dr. Lester Hutson

Copyright - Lester Hutson - 1981
This material is copyrighted and may not be copied or reproduced without the express written permission of Dr. Lester Hutson.

The Lady of the House

Chapter Nine

INTRODUCTION: Text * Esther 1:10-20

God has appointed a very special role for the lady in the home, and for the lady who submits herself to that role, marriage and the family can be beautiful. When the lady plays her proper roll in the family, most of the time the effect is like oil on troubled waters. Generally, the husband and the children follow suit, and there is warmth, happiness and joy in the home.

But where the lady of the house does not believe in stereotype roles, and will not submit herself to her God-appointed role, there will be misery and trouble in the home. That is so often the case today! So very few wives are willing to accept for themselves the life that God has appointed for them, and the resulting devastation and broken homes and lives are around us like a war-torn battlefield. There are now more divorces than marriages. Over 50% of children live in single-parent or step-parent situations. We now must have an entire bureaucracy dedicated to obtaining child support from absent fathers and mothers.

There are other ugly results of the lady's refusal to accept her God-appointed role in the home. It leads to adultery, the personal crime against your mate. When things are not right between husband and wife it is very easy for one or the other to look for a sympathetic shoulder to cry on. One thing leads to another, and adultery is so often the result. Statistics indicate that over 40% of the women and 50% of the men reported extra-marital affairs at some point in their marriages. When you rebel against God's place in the home, you create an adultery-provoking marriage. Adultery is a personal crime against your mate that brings on guilt, which in turn causes grief, heartache and depression.

Even where there is no divorce or adultery, there are storms and conflicts when the lady will not live as God intended. I'm talking about arguing, squabbling and disappointments in the home. Little children in the home are subjected to the troubles, and they grow up neglected and often to be hoodlums

and irresponsible barbarians without character. For every marriage that breaks up there are many that are unhappy and full of trouble. Many stay together only "for the children's sake," or for fear of the scorn from God and man over divorce. So, they "tough it out," but really wish deep down that they could end it.

Our text is about a lady who is the very epitome of the modern wife. She represents so much of what is wrong in many wives today. The reaction to her insubmissive spirit, which is expressed in the context, expresses the thinking of God toward her, for what is said is in perfect harmony with the teachings throughout God's Word on the subject.

You are probably wondering what was so wrong about what Vashti did. After all, her reaction to the wishes of Ahasuerus is typical today of the commonplace, everyday reactions of millions of wives toward their husbands. If what Vashti did was so offensive to God, and it was, then surely there are millions of wives today in trouble with God.

I. YOU WILL NO DOUBT GRASP BETTER THE DEPTH OF VASHTI'S SIN ONLY IF YOU UNDERSTAND THE GOD-AP- POINTED ROLE OF THE LADY OF THE HOUSE.

A. God determined that the wife be in submission to her husband.

1. He said in Ephesians 5:22, "Wives submit yourselves unto your husbands, as unto the Lord."

2. Colossians 3:18 says, "Wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord."

3. Paul continued in Ephesians 5:23-24, "For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the Church: and he is the savior of the body. Therefore, as the Church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing."

4. As God prepared to form the woman out of Adam's rib, He expressed the intent He had for her. He said, "I will make a help meet for him," in Genesis 2:18.

a. God did not make woman from Adam's skull, for it was never intended that she should be his head. She was not designed to rule him, not act as an equal authority with him.

b. Nor did God make Eve from Adam's feet bones for He never intended that man trod his wife under foot. She was not designed to be man's slave or his toy to be neglected or abused.

c. But, God made Eve from Adam's rib, a bone next to his heart and under his arm of protection, for the wife is to be loved by her husband. She is to be nourished and treated with compassion and tenderness. She is to "help" the man, not boss him nor be abused by him.

5. You can see then why a Godly woman like Sarah called her husband "lord" according to I Peter 3:6. That tells you that she was subject to his authority over her. She was indeed his helper.

6. God wrote these words to wives in I Peter 3:1-5, " Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives, while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning, let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own hus- bands." Notice here the praise of God upon women who are subject to their husbands.

7. Older women are told to teach the younger women, "That they may teach the younger women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands: that the word of God be not blasphemed," in Titus 2:4-5.

8. God told the first woman He made, "Thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee," in Genesis 3:16.

B. Now, when you consider the Word of God on the subject, it is not difficult at all to see what the God-appointed role of the lady of the house is.

1. She is to "help" her husband, and she is to be subject to him under his authority.

2. She is not an equal authority to him, nor is the man's purpose to be her helper, although he will help her much through life. The fact is, she was designed to help the man, not vice-versa. The Bible plainly sets this truth forth in I Corinthians 11:8-9, "For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man."

3. Lady, you may not like this role, but it is the one God ordained for you, and though you may not yet see it, you can be happier in life following this role than you can be in any other thing you could possibly pursue.

4. And, remember too, that your daddy or husband didn't decide on this role for you: God did. Your husband is not the one who says you are to be in submission to him. God did. If you have a quarrel about whether or not the role is right or wrong, fair and just, or the like, your quarrel is with God, not your husband, your preacher or society.

5. God never intended for both husband and wife to be on the center of the stage in marriage. God ordained that the man be front and center, and the foremost authority in the home, and the woman under that authority is to be right behind him.

II. THE LADY OF THE HOUSE LIVING AS GOD INTENDED WILL DO MORE LONG-LASTING GOOD AND BRING GREATER PEACE AND JOY TO A HOME THEN MOST PEOPLE HAVE EVER DREAMED.

A. Lady, God knows more about what it takes to have a happy marriage and a happy home than you do, and as we have just seen, He has expressed in the scriptures how a wife ought to conduct herself before her husband. Now, in view of what He has told you to do, He says, "If ye know these things, happy are ye if ye do them," in John 13:17. If you ever expect to have a happy marriage and home, you are going to have to live the way God says for you to live. You cannot take on a role other than your God-ordained role and still have happiness, warmth, love and tenderness in your marriage and home. Some of you ladies here will never have good marriages because you are too stubborn and proud to submit yourselves and place yourselves under the authority of your husbands. Some of you girls are going to have a bad, unhappy marriage and probably end in divorce, regardless of who you marry, because down in your heart, you've already decided you are not going to place yourself under the authority of any man. You think marriage is a 50/50 bargain, and that you ought to have just as much voice in the home as your husband. Obeying your husband like the scriptures say you should in Titus 2:5, sounds silly to you. Mother never obeyed Daddy, and you don't intend to obey any male chauvinist, either. I can tell you, lady, if that's your attitude, you have troubles and misery ahead of you. The seeds of stubbornness and rebellion against God's role for your life are already in your heart, and "Whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he which soweth to his flesh (your own fleshly ideas about the woman's role in the home) shall of the flesh reap corruption," in Galatians 6:7-8.

B. God uses the husband as an umbrella of protection over the wife, who is in subjection.

1. Peter wrote, "Likewise ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel..." I Peter 3:7.

2. God says in Ephesians 5:25, "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the Church and gave himself for it." He continued in verse 28, "So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies."

3. A wife who places herself under the authority of her husband will find that husband is a defense to her against men with evil intentions. Such men are not nearly as likely to make advances and try evil where a husband is involved, and the wife is unquestion- ably faithful and subject to him. The husband is a bulwark against such dangers.

4. A husband also provides protection and shelter against economic dangers, and though some husbands are not good providers, the woman with a husband is almost always better off than the one without a husband.

5. A husband is also a protection to the submitted wife against her own fleshly weaknesses of passion, of discouragement, of pride, of self-will and of greed.

6. Lady, you need your husband, and he needs you. He is a shelter over you, and you are a help to him. Once you move yourself out from under his authority, you have lost much of your shelter, and you become a much easier target for the wiles of the devil.

C. Even when you have a husband who is lost, or saved but out of God's will, God will often use him to build character in you.

1. The aim of God is to see your self-will broken, and to see you dependent on him. David said, "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise," Psalm 51:17. The fact that God wants to break your pride and self-will is typically illustrated by Gideon's 300 men who broke their earthen vessels that their lights might shine, Judges 7:20. Our old earthen, self-ways will always prevent our lights from shining. Self must be broken if we are to shine for God.

2. Now, God can, and often does, use a marriage partner to break your self-will and build character in you.

a. Your husband's slow, unconcerned way may be designed to build patience in you.

b. His belligerence and sarcasm may be teaching you how to pray for those who "despitefully use you, and persecute you," as Jesus said to do in Matthew 5:44.

c. God can use a hard husband to destroy your pride, dash your hopes for worldly treasures, take you away from your family and friends so that you will have only God to turn to and to give you wisdom and insight.

d. And, the thing is that God can use your husband to build character in you even though your husband has no intention of being used of God, and is unaware that he is being used.

D. The wife who rebels against God's will that she be subject to her husband robs herself and those around her of many blessings.

1. Besides the protection and character she misses, she never comes to know the spiritual insights and maturity she could have had.

2. Thus, the potential of her service and usefulness to God is diminished.

3. And, she destroys the joy, warmth, and closeness the family could have known. So, the children suffer loss, the husband suffers loss, and the lady herself suffers loss of joys and happiness she could have known.

4. Not very long ago, I talked to the wife of a very dear couple to me. This couple has had many troubles in their marriage over the years, and at times, it has almost broken apart. Both are fine Christians, but the home has been gloomy, and trust and warmth have been lacking. The wife indicated to me that all of that has now changed. Upon being convicted from the scriptures about it, she submitted herself to the authority of her husband, and like magic, that long, cold and stormy marriage has now become a warm and wonderful home.

E. Folks, adherence to God's principles works. Many of you are suffering this day from self-inflicted marriage problems. You are hurting. Your husband is hurting. Your children are hurting. The grandparents are hurting. Your problems are self-inflicted because you are the one who continues to insist on an equal voice in the home. You refuse to do what God tells you to do, and to submit yourself to the authority of your husband. You say you are not still living "in the dark ages." That's true, but the principles of God for the lady of the house didn't end with the dark ages. They are still just as right as they ever were, and you will keep your marriage problems and your miserable home, and you will continue to hurt everybody around you until the day you obey God and submit yourself to your husband as an authority over you. I would say this failure by women is one of the main causes of marriage problems and divorce today.

III. VASHTI IS A CLASSIC EXAMPLE OF WHAT IS WRONG WITH SO MANY MARRIAGES AND HOMES TODAY.

A. Esther 1:10-12 shows how she refused to submit to the authority of her husband; at his request, she "refused to come."

1. She didn't lie, waste their money, trifle on him, or commit some hideous crime. She just refused to submit to his authority. That's all.

2. But, that was a crime, and it still is, as God sees it.

3. And, no doubt, like millions of today's wives, some of you right here are guilty of this identical crime.

B. As it did to Vashti, such an offense may seem little to you, but it wasn't little.

1. Esther 1:16-18 gives you God's opinion of it. It was "wrong." What she did was wrong to her husband, and it was wrong to everybody around.

2. Like wildfire, that rebellious spirit would spread. What Vashti did was "contempt and wrath" and as her example would influence others, contempt and wrath would spring up where there had before been peace and happy homes.

3. And ladies, today, you are not living in a world alone. Whether or not you will admit it, your actions and attitudes are influencing those around you. Paul said, "none of us liveth to himself, and no man dieth to himself," Romans 7:14. Lady, your attitude toward your husband influences the attitudes of other wives toward their husbands. And, your attitude toward your husband is almost certainly the attitude your daughter is going to have toward her husband, for Ezekiel 16:44 says, "as is the mother, so is her daughter."

4. God knows a rebellious attitude is contagious. With the Women's Libbers, wives across much of the world have thrown off the God-ordained yoke of the husband authority over them. Just what Memucan feared in Persia of old, has happened in America today. And, as it has happened, it has been paralleled by increasing crime, adultery, broken hearts, broken homes, rebellious children, immorality, drunkenness, drug addiction and all other kinds of woes and miseries.

5. God's Word says what Vashti did in refusing her husband's authority was " contempt and wrath," and that is exactly what it is today.

C. God said through Memucan in Esther 1:19 that a wife who will submit herself to her husband, just like God's Word teaches through- out, is "better than" one who won't.

1. You ladies who don't submit to your husbands may take offence at the idea that another lady is better than you are. You might say, "Well, I'm just as good as anybody."

2. According to this scripture, you are not. The lady who follows God's Word and submits herself to her husband is better than you are.

D. God's Word says here in Esther 1:20 that it is right for "all wives" to "give to their husbands honour, both great and small."

1. Lady, that is still true.

2. If you want a happy, good marriage, one of the surest moves in that direction, is for you to accept God's role for the lady of the house, and place yourself under the authority of your husband as his helper.

"It Does Make a Difference What You Believe"