Christian Family Principles

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Christian Family Principles
Written by Dr. Lester Hutson

Copyright - Lester Hutson - 1981
This material is copyrighted and may not be copied or reproduced without the express written permission of Dr. Lester Hutson.

How to Reach and Instill Consecration, Depth, and Lasting Spiritual Strength in Youth

Chapter Two

INTRODUCTION:

Bearing in mind that there is a general youth problem today, and that the problem largely finds its roots in the permissive attitude of our society, let us now consider some definite considerations and approaches that will initiate improvement and move toward a cure of the problems. The end result for us is the glory of our God, which will be brought about by dedicated, consecrated, young people serving God.

I. BRETHREN, LET ME FIRST STRESS THE FACT THAT THE PASTOR IS THE KEY TO A GOOD, CONSECRATED YOUTH DEPARTMENT, AND THE GENERAL APPROACH THE CHURCH MEMBERS TAKE TOWARD RAISING THEIR CHILDREN.

A. Being a pastor myself, I know that it often sounds like the pastor has to be the leader in everything around the church. Well, brethren, that is true.

1. Your people are not going to be very concerned about things you are not concerned about. They will not be missions minded, if you aren't. And, they will not put much emphasis on good, solid youth training, if you don't.

2. I know you can't do it all, but you must be the spark plug, the leader. God calls you "overseers" of His church in Acts 20:28. He tells you to take "the oversight thereof, not by constraint, but willingly,"' in I Peter 5:2. You might just as well get the notion out of your head that you will assign your visitation, bus, missions, printing, youth or other ministries to someone, be they voluntary or paid, and that you will leave it up to them and not get personally involved. You may get people to help, and even to head up various areas of the work, but by the very divine edict of God, you must "oversee" what they are doing. They must know that they have your personal support and guidance, and if they don't, that ministry will never succeed.

3. Please do not misunderstand. I am not at all speaking against delegation of responsibility. In fact, I am all for it. I've seen some good men fail because they were afraid to turn loose of a little authority by delegating it to someone else. I am simply saying that you can't just turn over a job to somebody in your church and forget it. You have got to stay on top of what is going on.

4. Certainly you can't do it all alone, and God never intended for you to do it by yourself. I Corinthians 12 says the church has many members, and as pastor you ought to see that those members share the responsibilities of the work. Exodus 18:13-26 sets forth the important principle of delegating responsibility, and I believe it is a foretype of the pastor and the church. Moses was doing all the judging of Israel singlehandedly. It was about to kill him, just like it will you as a pastor if you don't have help. When his father-in-law, Jethro, saw it, he said to Moses, "The thing, that thou doest is not good. Thou wilt surely wear away, both thou, and this people that is with thee: for this thing is too heavy for thee; thou art not able to perform it thyself alone," in verses 17-18. So he recommended that Moses select people to help, "and they shall bear the burden with thee," in verse 22. Thus, verses 25-26 say. "And Moses chose able men out of all Israel, and made them heads over the people, rulers of thousands, rulers of hundreds, rulers of fifties, rulers of tens. And, they judged the people at all seasons: the hard causes they brought unto Moses, but every small matter they judged themselves." Moses delegated some authority and responsibility, but he stayed on top of it.

5. There is not one of us here but whom could practice the same policy. Paul taught Timothy, "And the things thou hast heard of me among many witnesses, the same commit thou to faithful men, who shall be able to teach others also," in II Timothy 2:2. You may say, "Well, I don't have any youth leaders." I say "train some." Pick you out some folks in your church, and train them to be youth leaders. Don't just tell them to do it, show them how.

B. Pastors, if you want to see dedicated, consecrated, God-fearing boys and girls in your church, then work at it. Teach your parents how to raise their children. Select some youth leaders, and show them how to be good youth leaders. Preach to your youth, and let them know you care about them. I don't guarantee this will reach every boy and girl and make him consecrated, but I do believe it will help and enable us to reach more than most of us are currently reaching. Preacher, you are the key. You've got to see it, want it, preach it and work at it.

II. ONCE YOU, BY GOD'S GRACE, WANT TO REACH YOUR YOUTH AND ENLIST THEM IN THE SERVICE OF GOD, THERE ARE SOME VERY IMPORTANT THINGS YOU OUGHT TO UNDERSTAND ABOUT THEM. THESE THINGS MUST BE UNDERSTOOD IF YOU ARE TO APPROACH THEM PROPERLY, AND IN SUCH A WAY THAT WILL WIN AND NOT ALIENATE THEM.

A. Realize that a child's worth lies not in his good looks or his natural abilities.

1. It is such an injustice in our society that we think the real great and valuable people are the ones who are pretty or highly talented. It is the pretty babies to whom we cater. It is generally the pretty or the athletic types who win the popularity contests. We're proud of our kids because they can read well, run fast, sing well, play an instrument, or star in a sport. Cinderella only became important because she became beautiful; her ugly sisters were not important. Snow White's death was lamented so because she was so pretty; it wouldn't have mattered as much, if she'd been ugly. The ugly and the untalented soon get the picture, even at church in the youth department, that they are not as important and valued as much as their pretty, talented contemporaries.

2. But, brethren, every one of us knows that the worth of a soul is not determined by the looks and skills of the body. John 3:16 says God loved "the world," and that includes the ugly, the lame, the uncoordinated, the mentally retarded, the poor and all the rest, not just the good looking, talented ones.

3. God tells us in I Samuel 16:7, "Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature...for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart." Brethren, I have two sons and a daughter, and I'll love them just as much, and they'll be just as precious and valuable to me, if they are ugly and never have the talent to excel at anything. And, I can tell you that you will never reach the youth of your church, let alone those of your neighborhood until they see that you care about them for what they are, not how they look or what they can do. Folks, the key is personal interest, valuing souls. Kids want to be loved, and love reaches out. Only with genuine love can you reach them, love for them personally, not for what they can do or how they look.

B. Second, realize that children do not know all the things that you may know.

1. James Dobson in Dare To Discipline says, "heredity does not equip a child with proper attitudes; children learn what they are taught." If a child is going to do right, he must be taught to do it. Since "foolishness" is bound in his heart, as Proverbs 22:15 tells us, then he will not naturally know and do right. He must be taught and trained to do it right. Mistakes are inevitable.

2. This is one reason Proverbs 22:6 says, "Train up a child in the way he should go." Ephesians 6:4 says, "And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." It takes time and effort to make a man out of a boy.

3. Many a church and parent has discouraged young people by expecting them to conduct themselves like adults. Quite often youth leaders and pastors get down on kids for making mistakes. The result is that the youth are driven further away, instead of being reached and enlisted in the Lord's work.

C. Third, let us realize that our youth are facing some very stiff pressures in their environment, and they lack the maturity to face them.

1. Teenagers are actually undergoing many biological pressures in the development of their bodies, and the changes can bewilder them, drain lots of their energies, and put lots of passion and questions in them.

2. They are also the prime targets of liquor and tobacco advertising. Acceptance by their peers is a prime concern to them. They lace Satan's pressure that open sex, drugs and violence is perfectly alright. They are pressured by the Devil's ideas of humanism, evolution, socialism and many others. They are encouraged to reject the establishment and to be free and do what they please.

3. I know that these pressures are no excuse and justification for sin, and everybody faces temptations and pressures. But I can guarantee that you will not be very effective in counselling and reaching young people until you get some concept of what they are up against. If you don't acquaint yourselves with their problems, they will quickly recognize that you are out of touch with the reality of their lives. Once they do that, they'll tune you right out. They'll know that there really is a generation gap between you.

D. Fourth, listen to your young people. Realize that they are humans too, and have minds of their own. It just could be that they have some ideas as good or better than yours.

1. Jesus once said, "Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings thou hast perfected praise," in Matthew 21:16.

2. Young people sometimes have more sense than us older adults who are so set in our ways. So don't just write off their ideas automatically as all being bad.

3. If they are wrong in word or deed, show them. Tell them why. As Job said to his miserable counsellors in Job 9:24, "Teach me and I will hold my tongue: and cause me to understand wherein I have erred." I've been dealing with young people a mighty long time, and I've found them to be generally very understanding. When I've treated them as human beings and listened to what they've had to say for themselves, I have found them usually ready to listen in return to me and even to accept fair counsel against them. But, they won' t listen when you treat them as inferiors, like dirt. They deserve fair treatment, just like anybody else does.

E. Fifth, realize that young people need a model to follow.

1. Evidence is massive that young people largely imitate what they see in others. This is true with all people to some extent, but the younger the age, the greater the tendency is to follow the example of those nearby.

2. When you tell your children (be you a parent or youth leader) one type of conduct is good, but then practice a different type, you become inconsistent and hypocritical to them, and they soon lose respect for you. When that happens, you no longer have the power to reach them. Consistency is a rare jewel, but our young people are looking for examples whose deeds are consistent with their words. James tells us to "so speak ye and so do" in James 2:12. Most young people will reason that if you are not worthy of respect, then neither is your religion, your morals or your ideas.

3. One youth leader consistently teaching and practicing the truth to young people can do more to reach them, enlist them, and consecrate them into lasting Christian service than fifty hypocritical youth leaders who don't practice what they preach. Folks, I believe lots of our young people these days are looking for the "real thing." They don't want phony, spineless youth leaders or parents, who preach one thing then practice another.

4. If our young people are going to be convinced of the merits of the truth, they are going to have to see it in someone, and I say that seeing it in a whole church is better. I know of no greater influence upon the lives of boys and girls than seeing the whole church practice what it preaches. Let every man and woman in God's church be a hero of the faith to the young people! You can bet your bottom dollar that the impact of that kind of conduct will be profound upon the lives of the young people.

5. Paul told Timothy, "Be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity," in I Timothy 4:12. And, to the members of the church, which include our youth, Hebrews 13:7 says, "Remember them which have the rule over you, who have spoken unto you the Word of God: Whose faith follow, considering the end of their conversation."

6. We want our young people to be consecrated and sold out to God, when their parents and youth leaders are not. They'll never tithe, be faithful to visit and attend all the services, live Godly, separated lives, and be zealous soul winners until they see these things exemplified in models whom they can respect.

7. As an illustration of the power over their lives that the examples young people see have, I call your attention to the words of Dr. Bertram S. Brown, director of the National Institute of Mental Health. He says, "The seeds of drug abuse can be planted early. The time to start thinking of preventing drug abuse is in a child's early years." He asks, "What kind of example do you set?"

a. "Do you take too many medicines."

b. "Do you have a lot to say about how much better you feel after taking medicine?"

c. "Do your children see you run to the bottle of aspirin, tranquilizers, or alcohol when you get upset?"

8. In the January 9, 1977 Houston Post Charles Obie points out that kids see us abuse tobacco, caffeine, junk foods, and all sorts of things, and they follow right in our footsteps.

9. May God help us realize the power our examples have over our youth. If we are to reach them for the cause of Christ, we must show them a good example to follow.

III. IN CARRYING OUT A SUCCESSFUL PROGRAM DESIGNED TO REACH AND ENLIST YOUNG PEOPLE IN THE WORK OF THE LORD, YOU MUST ADOPT AND EMPLOY THE LORD'S PHILOSOPHY ON CHILD RAISING. THAT IS THE PHILOSOPHY OF DISCIPLINE.

A. The world' s philosophy is one of permissiveness, and like always, it is diametrically opposed to the thinking of God.

1. God calls for order and discipline be it at home or at church. Failure to discipline is the taproot of today's youth problem, and the one thing that could do more to restore order quickly is discipline.

2. Brethren, we need to teach our children what "no means. They need to learn they can't break the ceramics as babies or pull all the pots and pans out of the drawers. They need to learn as juniors that they can't hit other kids, stay up after they are told to go to bed, or have more candy when told no. They need to learn as teenagers that they can't stay out five minutes after curfew, talk back to mother, or go and come as they please. In Sunday school they need to learn that they can't talk, giggle, and pass notes when class is in progress. They need to learn they can't have just entertainment without any spiritual emphasis, and that they can't do as they please and disrupt the Godly plans of the leaders which are designed to draw them closer to the Lord.

3. When young people learn the proper use of "no" it is a tremendously valuable tool to fortify them against the wiles of the Devil.

a. They know how to say "no" when their peers pressure them to take drugs.

b. They know how to say "no" to their hot passions which would steal their morality and virtue.

c. They understand "No, I can't violate the law of the land. No, I can't lay out of God's house. No, I can't take God's money for myself. No, I can't mistreat my neighbor or employer or parents," and on and on.

4. My, how we need to teach our little ones what "no" means, and why they must say "no" to many things in life. Brethren, no young person who doesn't learn to say no will ever be enlisted to active, consecrated service to God.

B. Teaching our little ones to discern between good and evil, when to say yes and when to say no, is to fortify them and equip them to make the decisions of life.

1. It's a dead certain fact that we can't be right with our children all of the time to make proper decisions for them, and they wouldn't want us to if we could. They are bound to fly out of the nest and try their own wings. The question so many parents, pastors and youth leaders ask is, "How can I be sure they won't go astray when I'm not there to watch over them?" You probably can't be 100% sure, but there is something very real that you can do to cut down on the odds of their going astray.

2. The thing you can do is teach them, fortify them, equip them while you have them under your control. If you do that well, you have God's promise that most of them will continue in the way of truth long after they leave your jurisdiction.

a. Solomon said, "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it," in Proverbs 22:6.

b. Again Solomon said, "Remember now thy creator in the days of thy youth, while the evil days come not...." in Ecclesiastes 12:1. Folks, our God knows that the time for reaching people and insuring them a Godly life is while they are young.

c. David said, "Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord," in Psalm 33:12. We know that God blesses with longevity of existence a nation who makes Him its God. But, how can a nation today be sure that the next generation continues to serve God? Afterall, the people of today will be dead tomorrow. The answer is by teaching our children to serve Him, and so on. It is the principle of fortifying our youth. As long as this chain goes unbroken,our values of right and truth will be maintained, but once the chain of fortification is broken, right and good perish, and wickedness and lawlessness replace them.

3. Daddy, if you want your son to turn down liquor, tobacco and drugs when he faces them in the presence of his buddies, you'd better put something in his heart that will say "no" while you have him at home. Mother, if you want your precious little daughter to say "no" to her passions and to the boy who tries to have sex with her some romantic evening, you'd better teach her to say "no," and why she should say it, while you have her at home. Pastor, if you want the boys and girls of your church to carry on in the truth, sold out and dedicated to the glory of God, you'd better get some youth leaders, train them on what to do, and by God's grace, start a heated campaign to reach, equip and fortify your young people while you have them with you.

4. They'll be free to go and do as they please one of these days. The only hope you have of keeping them close to God then is that you put enough in their hearts while you had them. If you did, then the truths in their own hearts will keep them close to God, even when you have no control over them.

C. In order to accomplish what I am talking about, there must be sufficient discipline that is firm and fair.

1. When I speak of discipline, I speak of positiveness, toughness, yet with love so that the youth sees that you are not trying to injure him or prove your dominance over him. Instead you are 100 % committed to right and intend to see that it is done in those areas that are under your control. I call that "tough love."

a. The purpose of discipline is to correct.

b. Punishment to prove your authority, take out your spite, or vent your anger is not discipline.

c. I say the intensity of the discipline should be just what is sufficient to correct the wrong.

2. I do not believe you will break the rebellious nature of a child, nor even teach the meaning of "no" without some discipline, and the amount needed will vary from child to child, depending upon their temperaments.

a. The earlier discipline is applied and positively maintained, the sooner the boundary lines will be drawn within which the child can function in complete freedom, and the sooner he will know what he cannot do. The earlier the battles are fought over what can and can't be done, the less discipline will be needed as the years progress. Brethren, we pastors could save ourselves lots of troubles and youth squabbling and arguing, if we'd draw the boundary lines right off and get the battles won early. After that we could settle down to some good, peaceable,constructive youth work.

b. Even many of the world's people have seen the value of good discipline. Good, solid discipline is needed to produce a good football team, a good dramatics production, to make a good welder, a carpenter, etc. Surely, the same is true to produce a good soldier of the cross.

c. Neither youth, nor adults, respects those they can run over. They will not be reached by spineless parents and youth leaders, and spineless youth leaders will never build solid, consecrated youth departments, nor produce lasting zeal and dedication.

3. In our youth we need to punish the bad and fortify the good.

a. There are lots of ways to punish the bad, but especially in the home should the rod of correction be used. Solomon said, "He that spareth the rod hateth his son; but he that loveth him, chasteneth him betimes," in Proverbs 13:24. Again he said, "Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying," in Proverbs 19:18. He said in Proverbs 22:15, "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child," but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him." He continued in Proverbs 23:13-14, "Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell." And listen to his words in Proverbs 29:15,17, "The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame .... Correct thy son and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul."

b. I believe a good solid youth program administered with "tough love" would give delight to many a church and pastor I know. I believe it would produce some really dedicated, God-fearing young men and women. Most of us are too soft for our own good, not to mention the good of the kids. We let every kind of rebellious, worldly, ungodly conduct go on among our youth, and we scarcely ever raise even a feeble voice in protest, let alone do anything about it. Then we wonder why we see so few dedicated young people coming out of our youth departments today. The rod at home and some tough but fair stands by the churches would solve a big percentage of our youth problems.

c. Not only will punishing the bad, but fortifying the good will help instill right in our youth. At home privileges, commendations and praise go a long way toward encouraging young folks to better conduct. At church, young people who try hard can be encouraged by being allowed to participate in the services and by being genuinely accepted by the church group.

D. In closing, let me offer these suggestions.

1. Let the home and the church work together, complimenting, supplementing and supporting each other. Let the church preach and teach to the home on how and what to do. Let the church also provide the right spiritual and social environment in which children can flourish. In turn, let the home carry out what the church teaches and support with its youth the programs of the church. Let the youth work of the church not be just a bunch of entertainment, but let it be a meaningful, worth-while program. Let it do more than take kids off the streets for a few years. Let it reach and fortify them with the truth.

2. In your dealings with kids:

a. Don't disapprove the child. Disapprove what he does that is wrong.

b. Praise his good, not his bad.

c. Discuss things with the kids, but let parents or youth leaders make final decisions.

d. Punish swiftly and reasonably.

e. Throw out all rules you are unwilling to enforce.

f. Don't nag. Make what you say stand.

g. Give answers, especially why.

h. Give children responsibility according to their ability.

i. Don't expect children to show more self-control than you do.

j. Be honest with children. Hypocrisy shows.

k. Be consistent.

1. Most of all, show that you really care.

"It Does Make a Difference What You Believe"